The Torn

Torn. That’s what I’ve decided to call myself.

For awhile now I’ve called myself confused and indecisive. But like a ton of bricks, it hit me this quiet Sunday morning. I’m not confused or indecisive with the coming 2020-2021 school year.

I really am TORN. Torn in two parts over everything. I have the teacher side, but also the parent side. I want to be in the classroom, but I also want to stay away from sickness.

I read articles as a teacher and read them as a parent. I see the concerns of teachers and concerns of parents, and I still come back to being torn. 😞

I respect all decisions. If you decide to send your child to school (but please not when they are sick),👌🏼. If you decide to do online school or homeschool, 👌🏼. If you want your child in a mask, 👌🏼. If you don’t want your child in a mask, 👌🏼. We as parents have to do what is BEST FOR OUR OWN CHILD AND FAMILY. ❤️

The Torn Teacher

I was put in this world to be around kids. I know that. ❤️ I want to see my students and really help them FEEL that I love them because I DO. 2020 school year has me torn because of my love for kids.

Students

I LOVE my STUDENTS. I was blessed with a heart that loves children quickly. Even with difficulties, I love them and want them to feel that love. I want my students in 2020 to know without a doubt that I love them. I want to be around them, so they can FEEL the love in my presence not just see my smile on a screen. I want to interact, joke and have fun with them.

Although it would be easy to still love a child over ZOOM and cheer for his or her accomplishments, it won’t be the same for them. The teacher gestures we do throughout the day will be absent 😢 as I can’t spend all day on the computer with my own children at home. The interaction won’t be the same.

There is always AT LEAST ONE CHILD that needs a teacher’s love because it is the one place and person who gives it in their life consistently. Some kids need to get away from home 😢, they need to see a smile 😢, and they need to have an actual conversation with someone 😢.

Before having my own children, my heart was filled with just the love of my students- who I called “my kids.” Now, I have my own FOUR CHILDREN that share that heart. (Don’t worry it’s plenty big 😉) I love my children and want them safe as well.

💔My heart is torn because of the love I have for my students, but also for my own children. When I spend time with other children, there is the risk of bringing sickness home (regardless of COVID). This coming year, the risk is higher. 💔

Classroom

I LOVE the CLASSROOM. Besides my home, this is the other place I love to be. I love the colors on the walls and everything pointing to success for a child. 🥰 My classroom makes me happy, so I want to be there.

My CLASSROOM is also where I spend my time with 5-6 year olds. I see boogers falling from noses without any notice from the child (not all kids 😉). It’s where they use hand sanitizer even though they said they washed their hands after leaving the bathroom. It’s where I teach kids how to cover their mouth when they cough and sneeze because they don’t all know how.

💔 I’m torn because half of me wants to be in the classroom, but the other half is afraid to be in the classroom. 💔

LESSONS

I LOVE my LESSONS. I love to create. 🥰

I want to be in the classroom giving my lessons. I want my students to see my goofy side as well as correct me when I say “number instead of letter.” 😂 I want to make my quirky sounds I do naturally regardless that it makes the kids giggle just a little. 😉

I don’t want to be behind a computer screen, and I definitely don’t want to just assign work.

On the other side though, I don’t want to get COVID not do I want my kids to get COVID. I can’t imagine being miserable as a sick person or caring for a sick child and trying to make substitute plans for 2 weeks!! Sure I could put together 2 weeks of random sub plans from my emergency plans, but really the class would not be getting the essential reading and math skills should be taught at that time. Right now, I am beyond stressed loosing all my sick and personal days to COVID. 😩

I support and don’t support masks.

I support wearing a mask when I go out if I can’t keep 6 feet distance or if I will be inside. I understand the benefits. I see the need for them. I know they show respect and love for others.

However, as a teacher, I am torn about wearing a mask 💯. I will wear one, but I will have to purchase my own clear masks. The only masks I can wear in a kindergarten classroom is clear/see through. It is not possible to teach correct sounds and forming those sounds and words without the kids being able to see my mouth. This has nothing to do with smiling- it is 💯 about teaching kids speaking skills. The district and school is not promising to buy a mask that is see through, so this will come out of my family budget because my small classroom budget will be used for the students as it always is.

A kindergarten teacher will need 3 masks (at least) per day if you plan to change the mask if you get sneezed or coughed on. (With the thinking the child may have COVID.)

As a grown adult, I can wear a mask all day. I may be uncomfortable, but I am capable of it. I will wear one to show my love towards the kids and their families.

Yes, I have laughed at, liked and shared those “masks in the classroom” tik toks and memes. A mask in the classroom is going to be extremely distracting for more than half the class. Kindergarteners get distracted by shoelaces and eat their shirts. 🤷🏻‍♀️ This article is not arguing no masks because of those reasons. 😉

I do NOT want my kindergarteners in a mask (unless their parents want that.) Many kindergarteners are still learning how to talk and pronounce things. I can barely understand a handful every year and that is without a mask. 😬

I do my very best to NEVER frustrate a child because I can’t understand them. It makes them sad and puts a damper on their self-confidence. Plus, they give up wanting to tell what they planned. I really get 😨 thinking that putting a mask on them will hurt their confidence and desire to push through that speech gap that many still have at that age.

I also know what kids will do with a mask and fear it is not going to help the situation because 25 students will not wear a mask correctly anyways. If all parents prepped their kids by wearing a mask for 4 hours at a time at home, the kids will not be able to do it. 😬 25 kids being prepped at home 😂 That will not happen. It will become the “teacher’s problem.”

💔I am torn because I can and will wear a mask as the teacher. I want my students to be healthy and safe, but I fear there are many reasons pointing to why masks in the classroom is not feasible.💔

Now I speak about masks as a MOM, NOT a teacher. Nothing commented below is connected to my teacher half. I have 2 elementary age boys (2nd and 5th). I am BEYOND TORN on what to do.

I have my children wear masks when they are going to the store and if they needed to go inside somewhere (which I avoid as much as possible). When we can be 6 feet apart mostly and outside, we don’t wear a mask. I want them to learn it’s the right thing to do when needed though.

I don’t want my children getting sick, any sickness bc I hate watching them suffer and lets be honest, neither of us gets much sleep.

My boys are well behaved (generally 😉) and good students. They are capable of wearing a mask without playing with it (long periods will take practice). However capable, I do NOT want them in one for 4 hours- then a lunch break and back on. I would not wear one all day if I was a Stay-at-Home Mom, so it pangs me thinking I would require that of my young child.

One of my boys is more active and I don’t doubt he may be tempted to play with a mask. Doesn’t matter if I his mom or his teacher tell him to stop, it will be natural to mess around with it. I don’t want MY SON being the distraction when I know he isn’t normally disruptive. I, like all moms, don’t want my kid getting “in trouble” because he has to wear a mask. 😨😞😬

I do not want my own children in masks 8:20-3:05. But as of right now they are required to wear a mask if they attend. I don’t feel comfortable requiring this for so long of my child. This is me and my opinion as a mom.

💔 I am torn about my child wearing a mask to school. I do care about my children AND their teachers, so I am torn. 💔

I’m a working parent. I help provide for my family like many others out there. As of right now, I don’t have the option to work from home. I must leave my 4 kids to go work. Two of those kids are in school while two go to a daycare/babysitter.

I don’t want my children stuck in a mask all day, but I work. Since they have to go to school, they have to wear a mask all day which makes me uncomfortable as a mom.

If I don’t want my kids in a mask, then I am required to keep them home. I have no problem doing homeschool or online learning as a mom, which is not the case for all parents. However, I work.

I financially can’t afford daycare for four children which means if they don’t attend school, two will need to stay home alone. It’s not that I view the school and teachers as babysitters, but instead they were born with gaps so I could afford some daycare while I worked.

I am not a “bad” parent for needing a school option, and it hurts to read comments suggesting a working parent cares less about their child because we need to send our kid to school. 😢

💔 I am torn as a working mom. I want to keep my kids healthy and happy, but I have to work to provide for them. 💔

My Contradicting Wants

Right now I want to do what is best for my family and stay home, but I also want to be there for all those wonderful kids that will need to be at school.

I think about the essential workers, medical field workers, and all those behind the scenes people. They did what they needed to even though their family was put at risk. As a teacher, I feel should do the same.

That leaves me TORN. I am a teacher and a mom. I love my students, and I love my kids. I want to be in the school, but also want to keep my family safe. I want my students and children to have a normal school experience (or as much as they can), but I don’t want them stuck breathing through a mask. I want to be a good teacher, and I want to be a good mom. 🥰

** If I go back to the classroom, I am 💯 there! If I teach online, I am 💯 there.