I am tired of it. It was getting too much to stress over when I was trying so hard to not get mad at myself and not expect perfection. 😞
I found myself trying to “justify” why I did it again. Trying to tell myself it was ok. 😢 Trying to forgive a wrong I was doing.
BUT THAT WASN’T RIGHT! 😮
Was I doing things wrong all the time? Was I really failing life as a mom? Was the situation a failure or was there more involved?
So I decided I am no longer using the phrase:
MOM FAIL
Let’s think through why Mom Fail is the wrong phrase.
I often used “mom fail” whenever I did not get something done or forgot about something.
1st Example: The dance competition paper that didn’t get put into dance bag for bag checks wasn’t because I failed, it didn’t get put in because I got distracted by helping one of the kids. #distracted not failed.
2nd Example: The time I forgot about the school event was not because I failed being a good parent, I had too many things on the to do list and going on in my head. #toobusy but not failing.
3rd Example: When I forgot to pick up birthday treats for class, it wasn’t that I failed remembering the birthday, I simply forgot that we usually take treats to school. Instead of stressing the treat, I had focused on the birthday party and presents instead. #differentpriority but not failed
When I took the time to THINK about it, I wasn’t constantly failing.
Failing was a lack of success. I was NOT lacking success as a mom. Nor are ALL things I want to do as a mom, required. Some are e yea or things I want to do.
Results 1: The paper was signed and ready. It got turned in, so there was success just not at that exact moment.
Results 2: Yes, I missed the event, but my child learned his mom makes mistakes. He knew I would listen. He witnessed an apology and accepted it. As a mom, I didn’t make it, but as a mom I helped my child learn several life lessons. That’s a success.
Results 3: The birthday treats were not required. They were just an extra activity. They could be gotten and shared a couple days late. Still happened and it was no big deal to classmates if it was Monday instead of Thursday. I didn’t fail at getting the treats.
Don’t get caught up in thinking “you are mom failing”. You are not. There’s More to the situation than failing.
New phrase: Not This Time
I decided I am going to start saying “not this time” instead. This time it didn’t get done. It’s not the end of the world. Is it really worth all those emotions? Did it ruin something? Is it required or just something you wanted?
Are your kids as upset as you are? (After 4 kids, I have realized that I care about things WAY MORE than they do. 😮)
If it’s important, it will get done and it’s going to be ok if late.
Change the thought process:
Next time you are tempted to say/think MOM FAIL take the time to consider the factors in the situation. What prevented you from getting that done? Why were you unable to go and do? What else was going on in life?
Is it the end of the world? Can it still get done?
If it feels like a big deal, how can it be made right? It doesn’t need to end in the “failed” situation.
STOP TELLING YOURSELF YOU’RE MOM FAILING when really you’re trying your very best. It’s hard to be perfect all the time. It’s hard and impossible to get everything done always.
Ps- it may appear other moms are doing ALL THE THINGS, but I guarantee there are things they are not doing. Because they don’t find it important (but you do) or because it’s not a priority for them, but you don’t see that.
You got this! Change what you say!
NOT THIS TIME.
