Post inspired by: 🎶Chronically Cautious: So if I’m honest, I’m beginning to question how much I want this. Overloaded serial stresser, Sitting nauseous. Panic in a loop in my head, I’m chronically cautious. How do I get off this?!
If I’m honest, I had no idea by just wanting to love myself, I would have to face all the truths I believed about myself. True or not true, they all had to be uncovered and addressed! ❤️🩹 My past had to be faced, and I was very anxious if I was ready.
I thought I just needed to take a few steps. Easy peasy, right?! Learning to love yourself is a process… check off the boxes. It was going well, I was taking steps forward.
I did all the right things gaining confidence, figuring out what was making me sick so I could be a bit healthier physically and mentally and staying to myself so I didn’t “upset others anymore.” A break from disappointing others. ❤️🩹❤️
I stood up from rock bottom 🙌🏼 and taking steps forward! But then life changed. I was “loosing” my safety net. I was leaving a place I took shelter in. Teacher Jess wasn’t apart of me anymore. She was my escape from my mind.
Unexpectedly, I fell hard into a dark cavern. As I laid face down in my own personal black cavern, trying to fight my thoughts again, I decided I had to force myself up. I don’t like the darkness. I will never give up. I pushed up. OUCH. OUCH OUCH OUCH!Stabs all over my back.
I cautiously rolled over. There I was crippled on the floor, the stalactites pinning me down. There was no way I could stand up. I was trapped. AGAIN.
Trapped in the cold darkness.
I looked up at the stalactites. So sharp and menacing. They were reminding me of all the bad I knew about me. All the truths I learned so long ago. The dark thoughts raving between the stalactites. The stalactites would continue to stab me every-time I tried to stand up.
As I laid there in my tears, it hit me. Teacher Jess was free to stand up. She could walk out of the cavern because nothing held her there. None of those stalactites affected Teacher Jess. ❤️🩹❤️ Teacher Jess had no backstory. Teacher Jess had stood up and left.
What if Jess wanted to be free too? The only way she could be, was by breaking those stalactites. Was it even possible?
As told from Jess
I chose to break the stalactites holding me down.
Everything I knew about life, who I was labeled as (and my issues I have struggled with) all came from the first 6 years of my life. I didn’t see my worth as a person, but I could see it as a teacher. I felt my worth in the classroom, but in life I had already known I had no worth. I had no worth because of the start of the life I had. (Read that here.) I didn’t love myself bc I knew I wasn’t worth loving long ago.
So in order to learn to love myself, I had to face the facts of who I was instead of try to bury and ignore her. ❤️🩹
HOW MUCH DID I WANT JESS TO BE FREE?
Was it worth all the pain I was about to face? Was it worth the effort to find the silver lining? Was I worth the work and fighting?
I decided Jess was worth it. ❤️
Learn this: HEALING IS A PROCESS… and it gets uncomfortable and it hurts. But in order to be free, you need to face and fight a few things. You are worth it. Good luck. ❤️
Ps- I know stalactites shouldn’t be touched in life 😉 but for the realness of the post, I shared them as a strong force hard to break ❤️🩹 No actual geological science. 🤪
